


Why Akihito Shouldn't Drink

by ALPHAwolf



Series: Akisami Drabble [1]
Category: Finder no Hyouteki | Finder Series
Genre: Drunkenness, Humor, M/M, Misadventures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2016-08-12
Packaged: 2018-08-08 07:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7748623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALPHAwolf/pseuds/ALPHAwolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's no secret Akihito is a lightweight, the reason he tends not to drink too much around Asami. So just what does the brat get up to when he's drunk?</p><p>(edited 3/18)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Akihito Shouldn't Drink

**Author's Note:**

> All the usual disclaimers :) Enjoy!

Aesthetic for this series-> <https://alphaalnitak.tumblr.com/post/172126651490/aesthetic-for-the-finder-no-hyouteki-pairing-asami>

 

* * *

 

 

"I now pronounce you huzband and wif!!!" Takato announced, his speech slurred as Kuo and Akihito cheered. The two were jumping around excitedly, celebrating their 'marriage'.

The group had been drinking for the last two hours at Kuo's along with some close friends, and gone through around fifty drinks between them in that time.

Most were half naked by now, one using a loin cloth to cover himself and wearing a feather hat not dissimilar to a fascinator in celebration of the blessed occasion.

It was Kuo's birthday, and his girlfriend had dumped him less than a week prior. This was their solution to his heartache. After all, marrying Akihito was said to be one hell of an achievement! According to his grandmother at least.

More shots where brought out and Akihito downed two before jumping up on the table and moving his hips like a belly dancer.

"Woohoo!"

"Go Aki!"

"Sing! Sing!" Everyone cheered him on as he sung something unrecognizable, making up most the words to some popular feminine sounding track. The performance only stopped when he fell off the table.

Everyone laughed and Akihito got back up, giggling drunkenly before deciding he was too hot and removing his pants, leaving him in only his tight black boxers.

"Heyz Aki-chan! My beloved wofe!" Kuo proclaimed, glomping him.

"Yeah?"

"Ring!" The other took out a candy ring and gave it to Akihito. "I hopz ur girlfriend doesn't mind~" He sang.

"Pfft! Who cares! He's a bastard anyway!" Akihito said throwing his arms up in the air dramatically.

"He? Dis she get a sex change?" One asked, half through his tenth can of beer.

"Naaahhh!" Akihito slipped the ring on. "Now I'm yummy!!" Most laughed at Akihito's drunk madness.

"Hey! I hav 'n idea!" One of the drunk men yelled, grabbing the closest phone, which happened to be Akihito's. "Letsz call someone and preten’ we're havin a orgy!"

"Yeah!" The others cheered unanimously. After all, what could go wrong?!

The first number on the mobile was called and they all giggled right up till the phone stopped ringing, at which point they all started to make odd noises and lewd comments about one other.

"Akihito?" Asami's voice was too quiet a mumble, due to the fact he'd just woken, for them to hear.

"Oh! Takato! Harder!" One yelled moaning.

"K-Kuo-ha-! More-! Please!" Akihito said wantonly while the other made kissing noises. Everyone continued to make sexy sounds, till someone farted and everyone cracked up laughing.

"AKIHTO!!!!" Asami's voice thundered through the phone, the man on the other end's eye twitching in the belief his lover was partaking in group sex.

"Shit! Hang up!" Akihito yelled and the person closest complied. They all sighed in relief and giggled as the call ended, beside the one who now lay on the ground passed out.

"Hey guys! Let's dress up!"

"Yeah! Some of my girlfriend's clothes are still here!" Kuo said, fishing in his drawers clumsily. He came out with an array of skirts and tube tops, accessories, makeup, and nail-polish.

"Who nominates to be made bootiful!" Kuo asked, smiling goofily.

"Oh! Me! Me!" Akihito volunteered, stumbling and tripping as he tried to make his way over.

"Yeah!"

"Go Aki-chan!"

"Pink or Red?" Takato questioned, looking through the clothes.

"Pink!" Everyone yelled, minus some poor barely sober fellow who prefurred red. He was unfortunately ignored.

"I'll do makeup!" One yelled, who happened to have been a member of a beauty college at one point.

"I'll do nails!"

"I'll pick the shoez!"

"He needs a bra!"

"Don't forget matching undies!"

"And we need silicon breasts!"

"I brought some!"

"Why??"

"They're squishy!!"

"Oh! thez socks l' be sexy as!"

"Look! Bows!!!"

"Hey! Get out of that drawer!" Kuo yelled out at one of the drunks.

"Shall we go for the cute-school-girl or sexy-vixen look?"

"Both! No! Neither! Find the balance!"

"YES SIR!"

"Check out these boots!"

By the time they finished Akihito was... Surprisingly gorgeous, in the fact he really looked like a woman. Barbie meets brothel to create the ultimate Malaboo slut. Tight black tube top filled with plastic boobs, tiny pink skirt, white knee high boots with a bitch off a heel Akihito always seemed to fall over in, and over the knee black socks.

Akihito giggled and posed for photo after photo till everyone became bored and went back to shots and beers.

Around this time there was a knock at the door, which Kuo answered.

"Yahoo! Pizza!!" The man was paid and the drunks all gathered round cheering as if watching some kind of death match. Kuo turned serious.

"This." He held the pizza up in one hand. "Iz." He made the other into a fist. "PIZZA!!!" He yelled dramatically like a Spartan warrior. Everyone cheered and bellowed war cries before the food was quickly devoured with more beers and sake. Now three had passed out and most lost control of their motor skills, including Akihito.

"Oh! I jus remembered!" One of them yelled, face half stuffed with pizza. "I got a tattoo license! Check it!" He brought out a big bag and unpacked it. There was an odd small thick machine pen and arrays of ink. "Who wants one?!"

"Me!" Kuo said, spilling his drink.

"Meeee~!!" Akihito yelled, trying to stand in the evil heels.

"No! Guys thizz a bad idea!" Takato argued, almost falling over as he sat.

"Pfft! Nu-uh!" Akihito argued rebelliously,  fumbling over.

"What'll it be for the beautiful lady!" The tattoo artist asked, plugging in his equipment.

"Make sure it means something to you Aki-chan!" The remaining un-passed out yelled.

"Hmmm... well there r all deez bastards that keep goin’ after my ass... maybe if they knew I'm Asami's they wouldn't???" Akihito asked himself, tapping his finger on his chin. "...Aha!!! I have it!!" He whispered the artist his idea and the man nodded "Great choice! Where u wann it?" Akihito pointed to his ass cheek and the tattoo pen was revved.

The blond lay over his friend’s lap, skirt up and butt cheek out as the tattoo was drawn. As he was drunk, a highly irresponsible state to get a tattoo in, the tattoo needle caused far more bleeding than it usually would, blood getting all over the skirt, pink panties, and tattoo artists hand. He didn't bother to hide his discomfort, yelling out and groaning in pain.

"Huuurrrtttsss! Be more gen-AH! OW! BASTARD YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!"

"Calm him down before he fucks the tat up!" The artist yelled. Three people complied, sitting on Akihito's legs and hands as he tried to claw out the man's eyes with his beautifully manicured pink nails.

"Hey, Takato, change my mind. I don want a radioactive My Little Pony tattoo anymore." Kuo said with a terrified expression as he watched Akihito scream in pain and anger.

"That's probly for the best Kuo." Takato said, patting his nervous friends shoulder.

The tattoo was finished in an hour, and Akihito decide to beat the artist before saying he was going home now. Everyone was either passed out from drinking or had already gone to sleep, so no one stopped him from leaving in Kuo's ex's clothes, with blood on his hands and slipping down his leg. He hobbled out the building, the task extremely difficult drunk, made even worse by being in heels. He tripped and swayed, trying to remember. Which way was home again? He took a drink of the beer bottle he had in his hand. When had he brought that?

There was a wolf whistle from a group of men behind him in the streets. When had he gotten outside he wondered?

"Hey gorgeous, wanna come over here~" Akihito was too drunk to process the words.

"Come on baby we aint gonna hurt cha~"

"Come ‘n’ we promise to show you a good time~" Akihito turned, vaguely processing someone was behind him.

Four 'hungry' looking men approached. His vision blurred and he didn't understand their intension, till one grabbed his fake breast.

"Fuck she's got some tits on her aye?!" Akihito felt oddly proud.

"I've seen bigger." His womanhood insulted Akihito hit the man groping his breasts with the beer bottle and then stumbled to the other before being grabbed. He hit the next man holding him and the glass shattered. The next man to approach him was stabbed in the arm by the broken bottle.

"Fuck let’s get outa here!" They ran off, leaving Akihito to stare after them in confusion before hiccupping.

The blond stumbled off again, bumping into a dumpster.

"Found it..." He mumbled groggily, opening the lid and clumsily climbing in. He landed in the recycled waste and yawned. "Night 'sami" The boy whispered, before falling asleep in the mess off papers and cans.

 

§

 

It wasn't till the sun began to rise over the building of Tokyo a hobo banged the dumpster accidently, waking Akihito. He groaned something about needing sleep before the lid was opened and a newspaper thrown on him. Akihito groaned and sat up, his head poking out the open lid. His vision un-blurred and he yawned before looking around.

"Oh no..." He groaned as he realized his location. This was the second time he'd woken in a dumpster, though at least this one was for recycling.

His head pounded, muscles and body aching. Sore and tired he fumbled out the bin, falling to the hard cement and groaning. Good thing no one was around to see that. His legs shook as he tried to stand. Why was it so hard to walk? His legs felt so unbalanced!

Extremely hungover he did the walk of shame back to Asami's penthouse in the rising suns light, hoping the other wouldn't be there when he got back. He wasn’t sure where the hell his keys had ended up.

Akihito ignored any looks he got from people, though it was extremely odd the way the doorman to the building ogled at him. Must'v had paper in his hair or somethin'.

Akihito stumbled into elevator and up to the penthouse, only to find he'd left his phone at Kuo's too. He groaned as the elevator opened, rubbing his face.

Suoh stood guarding the front door. At least he'd get inside, though it was odd for someone to actually be guarding the door. Probably waiting to report to Asami when he got back home or something, the controlling bastard.

Suoh saw him and hardened his expression.

"I'm sorry ma’am, this is private area. Please leave." Akihito made a confused face and stumbled over, tripping again and falling forward. Suoh looked disgusted but came over and helped him up. "I’m sorry miss, you need to go."

"da fuck Suoh, stop yellin'. Whats wiv da miss shit? Open da fuckin door, forgot m keys." Suoh froze.

"T-Takaba-san?!"

"Fuuuck. don yeeelll." Akihito complained leaning into Suoh's hold, no longer able to support himself. He theorized he wasn't completely sober yet, and still hungover as hell.

Suoh helped Akihito inside and put him on the couch before calling Asami.

"Asami-sama, Takaba has returned home, in... a less than appropriate state."

"What do you mean?" Asami had been furious since half way through the night, diverting all personnel to finding Akihito and his friends, dead or alive. When they had arrived at the friends home though, the brat was nowhere to be found. Men had been scowering the entire city all night, with nare a hint of the young man’s location. Asami hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep, and you could hear it clearly in his stressed voice.

"He seems to have a hangover and... he's dressed as a woman." The line went silent and Suoh thought for a moment that perhaps Asami had dropped his mobile.

"I'll be there soon." The mobile hung up, leaving Suoh at a loss as to what on earth he should do till his boss arrived home.

Akihito had fallen asleep again, and Suoh was able identify the dry brown looking crust down his leg, on his hands, and staining the skirt as blood. What the hell did the brat get up to while he was drunk? Must have been some night, that was for sure.

It took record time for Asami to return to the penthouse. Suoh had re-stationed himself outside when he arrived, having not received orders yet to leave his post.

"Asami-sama, Takaba is inside on the couch." Asami nodded and opened the door.

"You are relived, Suoh." His employer had no idea just how deep those words really went. He nodded and left as Asami entered the penthouse.

The sound of Akihito mumbling greeted him from the couch. Apparently he'd woken up. Asami walked over and looked down at the... girl on his couch?

Akihito's appearance was that of a woman, half covered in dried blood.

The blond opened his eyes slowly and saw the other looking down at him with an odd expression.

"Wha? Got paypr in ma hair? Fair nuf, fell sleep n a recyklin dum'ster." Akihito said, covering his eyes and groaning. "Too briiight. 'Sami turn da lights offf." Asami nodded, highly concerned by the state Akihito had returned to him in. He would have to delay consulting the other about the orgy he had partaken in and punish him accordingly when he was in a healthier state.

Asami went to the kitchen, fetching hangover medicine he used himself for the brat along with water.

"Ahh!" Akihito made a high pitched screamed and Asami rushed back in.

Akihito was pulling something out of the skirt he wore.

"Akihito?"

"Hm? Sry, phone went off, scared da shit outa me. Though I lef' tat Kuo's"

"So that's where you were." Asami said accusingly.

"Yeah, wh-?" Akihito's eyes widened at the photo on his screen.

"You called me last night and appeared to be in the middle of an orgy." Akihito looked at Asami in disgust.

"What!?" He hurt his own head from yelling.

"Mm, you’re also covered in blood." Akihito looked down at himself a moment in horror. He quickly unlocked his mobile and looked at the photos and the rest of the messages he had been sent, wide eyed.

"I'm done, I'm just so fucking done!" He groaned, dropping his mobile on the couch and taking the evil white boots off before getting up and groaning. He moaned 'ow' over as he walked off and said something about a shower.

Asami rose a brow and picked up Akihito's mobile, looking for clues of the orgy. Instead he was met with photographs of Akihito posing in the woman's clothes, being held down in a fuss while someone seemed to be touching his ass, signed marriage forms, and an unidentifiable blood covered tattoo.

The messages beneath read:

 

Kuo- Haha thanks for the bst b-day yet! Even if we all ended up passin out, i got ur keys and i need my girlfriends clothes back V(^_^)V also, we kinda got married last night, hahaha! good thing its not legal to hav same sex marriage yet! Take care!~

 

Takato- Hi Aki, hope ur fellin okay today. I think there’s some things u need to know-  
1- last night u and Kuo got married (don't worry it’s not legal and I'll get Kuo to shred the papers)  
2- I think we called someone on ur mobile and pretended to be having an orgy (u should probably clear that up)  
3- we kinda played dress up on u (per ur volunteering!)  
4- u got a tattoo last night, I tried to stop u, u ended up beating the artist to a pulp, he’s got a broken arm by the way. I won’t tell u who it was though in case u decide to beat him sum more.

Have a good one and take it easy!

 

Asami sighed in relief and left the mobile on the table, walking to the bathroom to scold his kitten for last night's misbehaviour.

When he arrived Akihito stood frozen, looking terrified at his bare ass in the mirror. He was dripping wet, having just gotten out of the running water to look at the new addition to his skin.

"I'VE GOT A FUCKING PANTHER ON MY ASS!"

Asami smiled. The jaguar covered Akihito's right butt cheek, looking powerful and regal with piercing golden eyes. So even when he drunk himself to immobility he knew who he belonged to? Good.

Asami wrapped his arms around Akihito from behind, kissing the boy’s nape.

"I think it's time for your punishment now, kitten~”

**Author's Note:**

> :D Don't drink kids or you'll wake up in dumpsters ;D  
> Remember to Kudos!


End file.
